How to Break Free of Envy with Insights

Do these scenarios sound familiar?

• Your dearest friend calls to tell you she has found the house of her dreams. It’s everything she ever wanted in a home. At first you are happy for her and share her delight. But as you continue talking with her you notice an uneasy feeling growing in the pit of your stomach as you look around at your surroundings.

• A co-worker shares that she has been given a promotion and is moving to an office with a view. You know that she has worked really hard for the promotion. Even as you congratulate her, you feel disturbed because she got it, not you. Perhaps you even feel a need to eat some junk food.

• A friend you have known since childhood loses 40 pounds and looks sensational. You are still overweight and struggling. Even as you congratulate your friend, you begin to feel depressed.

All three scenarios relate to envy, an acknowledgment of your lacking something important to you. Perhaps envy is followed by guilt or self-blame because envy is a 'negative' or uncharitable emotion. Perhaps you shut off these emotions with a stern comment to yourself, or cover them up by eating "comfort food."

Although envy is not a “feel good” emotion it can be embraced rather than pushed aside. We can be less hard on ourselves by acknowledging that we are complex human beings. We can even experience “happy for you” emotions along with the feelings of envy. We can contemplate envy and see what needs to change, in order to find the missing pieces in our lives.

Growing beyond envy, instead of viewing it as something "bad," can truly become a huge gift when it helps uncover unfulfilled wishes and desires.

With Insight-Building and a Guilt-free evaluation of choices and actions, you can explore envy rather than shutting it down. You can explore envy through recording thoughts and feelings in a journal. Consider what is missing from your life and explore the related thoughts and feelings. Can you uncover any apparent lack or deficiency?

This is the gift. Envy offers a direct path to identify what we lack, and to discover insights about how to satisfy unmet personal wants and needs. Envy provides the opportunity to become happy when others experience a "win".